Lone Wolf.

For how chatty I am and with this new quest for fame, you would think I LOVE going out and being surrounded by people. FALSE. I'd much prefer staying in, far away from people, snuggling my kitten cat babies. Meow Meow is purring in my lap as I type. I don't get a lot of time alone. Especially, this week. I need time for me when I am absolutely SURE no one will disrupt me as I sing, clean, rearrange, make shit, internet and talk to my kitties... I coo at my cats.
I am going to die the death of a spinster. Sigh. Moo will probably eat my corpse.
I couldn't be more excited because today I am going to make dog biscuits and dye some fabrics. All by my lonesome. Fuck yes! Insert maniacal cackle here.

.

Uh. What?

In the past couple days, it has been determined that my roommate has some asshole tendencies. Fuck that shit. I want to move out so bad..and I could move in with my bro and his gf (I used to hate her but now I love her, also remember that Guns and Roses song?) but my cats are dicks and they have a dog named Moose and a cat named Monster...my kitten babies can just fucking deal with it if it has to happen...Being a parent is hard. Especially to two dickhead cats.
I wish I could move far away from Mn..somewhere warm and where people care about fashion...
I sometimes wish I would of just sold out and married to whoever loved me and farted out four kids but then I think that is not who I am..I am not a kid yeller sweatpants wearer...
But I  better get off (heehee) the internet because my room is so messy, I've lost my house key..

I guess I'm not one of those everyday bloggers.

Since I've last posted here has what happened...

Researching acting classes. Fo' sho gonna take Improv Classes.

Got an old phone that I need to exchange for a new phone.

Disowned my sister and a cousin. Long ass white trash story.

Reconnected with my Grandma and Aunt... My Grandma and I are close but my aunt is newly in my life. My dad hates her.

I fell in lust with a boy. He doesn't even know there is a raping in his future.

I took adorable pics/vids of my cats.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

I bought beauty products galore.

I live in Minnesota. Its January. I just got a pair of winter boots..$15 moon boots from the Gap! 

I have been told, its obvs Ive lost weight. Watching what you eat and increasing your physical activity even a little bit works wonders.

On that note, I looked fucking hot today. 

Babybabes.

I have been one depressed bitch this week. I'm totally over it. and I'm pretty sure it was the winter blues. I used to wonder if I got more depressed during the winter or was it because I was in shitty relationships during the cold months? I am mostly single and its mos def winters fault and not my sucking at picking out boyfriends fault..
My roomie told me Meow Meow caught a mousey but it got away behind the refrigerator. I moved the fridge and there is a bunch of hair ties that Meow steals and loses and a ton of mouse shit. I'm not scared of mice and feel that one or both of the cats will search and DESTROY!
Roomie also said Meow Meow loved torturing that mousey. Hahahaha! Meow is a cat! Cats do that!
I have been using Lush Retread Conditioner on my overly processed but still gorgeous hair. It is making my hair TOO HEALTHY! Can you believe it? I have to wash my hair even less to achieve my sexy bedroom hair...

Since March I have lost 35 pounds. It's crazy. All my old blog posts featuring my photo remind me of the chubs. Turns out when you eat nonstop and exercise less, you turn into a fat ass.

31.

Holy shitfuck. On Feb 5th I am turning 31!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK?????
I am planning a birthday party. At my house. With my roomie and my kitty babies.
EEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm thinking like a Seventies ski party? I love planning parties and last year I got too whiskey-ed out at all the Asian restaurants we were partying at...
I will need snacks, treats and vodka based bevs...
I will also need a new birthday outfit that makes all the boys want to birthday bang me...

The one where I say I'm not gonna talk about 2010 and then I do..

Fuck 2010.
I don't even wanna talk about that fat, greasy, bitch 2010.
2011 is a lovely girl, slim and pretty with nice manners.
Life sure is hilarious. I'm happy now but 2010 made me all skittish that shit is gon' get all fucked up and I'll be the saddest girl in the world again.
I do have some awesome friends. At least I know that for sure.
I lost some friends in 2010. They were totally toxic avengers( mean to me) and I'm sure I am missed.
I gave up the preschool teachin'. I got super burnt out. I was almost done with college and gave that shit up too. I lost weight. I got a new roommate. I got myself in some financial trouble. I'm starting acting classes and my friend Sarah P and I are going to start collaborating on all things beautiful and funny. I decided I don't know what to do with my life. No one does. Every day is different. Always stand up for yourself even if you look like a C U Next Tuesday..don't skip Xmas because you will make your mother sad, family is important but not if they are soul sucking leeches. Tits and Ass will always triumph.
I haven't even begun to think of any new goals for 2011 because I've been freaking out about turning 31 next month! EEKK!

Catching you all up.

I hadn't realized I sucked at blogging so much. I ignore a lot of shit. My life has changed dramatically. I can't even begin. I only work the one job at the deli. I gave up on college. I gave up on being a teacher. But I have been having way more fun. Living my life. I struggle with what the fuck I should do with my life. I just experienced deja vu. I'm not even kidding.
I mostly just want to be famous and do a bunch of coke by an indoor pool in my kick ass mansion.

Whoa! What the fuck? Did I die?

My computer is super fucked..plus my stolen internet connection is fucked...so my blog has been ultra ignored and super fucked...
Sorry guys. I know you've been struggling.

Garbage.

          Mickey is makin' a face because he is disgusted that he has to sleep on top of Mama's crap! 
    
The past two days I have found two chairs in need of fixin' in an alley. What's that you say? I'm the bomb? You're right.
I worked 68 hours this week but next week I only work 60 and I have the weekend off! To go camping! Yucko. I pretty much HATE camping but its my friends 30th birthday and him and his girl love nature. I just hope to get wasted and possibly groped near a tree.
I need to get my hair done so bad...I haven't any time! I might have to color it myself again. I got some grey's ya'll. I was the receiver of grey hairs for my 25th birthday. Another reason why I don't believe in the God.
Anyhoo, I should sign off cuz the crib is a MESS. As is my life.
Smooches! 

I'm a dirty Twitterer now.

But I ain't no Ashton Kutcher! I just figured twittering is good for my business. Just kidding. I don't have a business. I also have a new gmailio for this herre blog..in case anyone wants to send me nudies.
http://twitter.com/ SlimeyPants
http://catsinmycoffee@gmail.com
Love,

Your friend Jen.

He said YES.

Ol' Rajiv the landlord said I COULD paint "some of tha rooms" which I turned in my head to "all of the rooms". Boner city. Population: Me.
I cannot wait!
Also, Scotty will be here Thursday to talk about our roommate sitch.
Secret Spillage: I have a crush on one of my coworkers.

Whoa. Moo is trippin on some acid. But not that mushroom tea that makes you eat people.

Babybears.

 I have something huge and itchy on the side of my face. It's like a bug bite. I am worried that when I was sleeping like a little baby angel that a spider put her babies under my skin. This is a fear of mine.

Also, this picture makes me look like poop. But look at that! Spider babies! 

I have been having the most fun at the Deli. So many laughs. Like nonstop. I got drunk with some of the work peeps. We got off work at like 5 in the mornin' and then we drank until 11. It was weird going home wasted when people were doing yard work and heading to church. It wasn't so weird that I would never do it again, though.
Of course I was hungover when I had to work again. Puke city. Drunk people shouldn't eat mashed potatoes with siracha and veggie burgers before bed. You puke up chunks.
My house is an effing mess from me workin' so much and my brother being brainwashed into captivity by his psycho as fuck girlfriend.
 Here is a Facebook post she recently wrote..bear in mind he was working?!

 "where are you? you haven't answered my calls or text or emails. what the hell tick? I am gonna cheat on you soon if you don't reply!"  

Here is a picture of my messy ass kitchen. 

The transvestite across the street has the most horrible fashion sense. She wears the ugliest of clothes and made herself the smallest of boobs. It's not like I expect her to be all drag queen but you would think she wouldn't want to dress like she's 90. 

This is totally a random ass post. 

Homeward bound. Not at all like the Simon and Garfunkel song.

                                      Dick in a box. Because he later ate too much catnip and pissed in it. 

Where in the goddamn hell is my camera battery charger? I'm dying! I'm dying because I can't find it! I have been organizing and rearranging this house like a biznitch and can't show ya'll any pictures of anything. Sob. I even have missed out on ultra adorable cat pictures.
I have so many plans for this crib. Hopefully, my would be roomie doesn't flake out on me and I'm forced to move last minute.
I am homeward bound because I haven't any motivation to go anywhere these past couple of days. Yesterday, I had the day off and I spent it in silence with the groggiest of brains. Effin allergies.
Today I am more motivated. This house is closing in on me. With all its clutter and poorly painted walls.
I know what would make me feel better. A party! A party full of treats and boozy bevs!
In the meantime if you live in the Mpls area. Contact me. So I can unload my crap upon you.

Smoochybears.

Whoa. Everything is comin' up roses, ya'll. Besides school trying to fuck me over. But I will go visit with them on Tuesday. I will dress non slutty and be extremely cheerful and understanding. That is the ONLY way to handle the financial aid department at MCTC.
I am really enjoying the deli job. I seriously have a million laughs. The work is physically draining. Standing on your feet for like 11 hours straight isn't the most awesome and the working until 5 in the morning sucks dick but I have a lot of fun and it's so stress free compared to working with toddlers and teachers.
I have really been craving cigarettes,though. The deli also sells a cheesecake that I want to take home and make love to. Me and my gluttony.
I heard from a co worker that an ex boyfriend of mine works at the bar closest to my house that I've never been to. Because it is pretty mullet friendly. I wonder if he would want to see me. I'm kinda taking it as a sign that I should go see him. It could be horrible or it could be fantastic.
My landlord smokes so much that my apartment constantly reeks of cigs. That's prob why I've been craving them.
I think I am gonna sweet talk the lord of the land into letting me paint. For that I will for sure have to show some cleavage. Cleavage makes him very uncomfortable and agreeable.

Me and Moocifer enjoy a cuddle.

Smellin like sandwiches.

This picture has nothing to do with this post. But look at hims! Hims cute!

 It is hard for me not to be bitter about people I know that are lucky enough to have parents to loan or give
them money.I mostly get angry because the friends I have that do get money from the parentals are kinda assholes. I feel that if you are an asshole you shouldn't get free money.
I have to work at a preschool AND a fucking deli to pay my bills because my parents are poorer than me.
Sometimes I want to be like "Parents. I just want you to know that you pretty much fucked me over when you decided to not ever become rich or even middle class"..
But coming from a poor background gives me a lot of street cred. I impress people with stories of poverty and hardship..especially since now I am such a prissy ass bitch.
Working hard does make me a stronger person. I totally believe that.
I hope those fucks that get free money put their parents in some classy nursing home. You know, one that doesn't smell like death, canary poop and old people piss..

Maybe I was lying.

Uh. My landlord came downstairs to speak with me. He wants me to stay. Brother is moving in with girlfriend. I was gonna get my own crib and boom! Here comes Raj with all these ideas. He can be nice and he is hilarious. He wants me to stay and find a roommate. Raj will move to his St Paul home and rent a room upstairs. Mostly, he said in case he needs a place to pass out .He will be traveling and trying to get a job(s)..He is some sort of dude on movie sets. I think he just drives trucks around for them..He worked on the movie A Serious Man. I loved that movie.

Anyhoo, I asked my homies Karla and Scotty. Scotty seems like a sure thing but he has to find a job first. Karla is kinda iffy because she was excited to get her own crib. 

It sucks that I will be stuck with these colorful ass walls. 

I hope it works out. Although, I was uber excited about new digs I am more excited to not have to move. Paying for application fees, calling around, packing and moving..Ugh..moving sucks so bad. Especially when you are a girl like me that doesn't own a car or know how to drive. I know. I'm helpless. 

I emailed Scotty pictures and a brief description. He is hating his life in Fargo and wants out. I understand. That was me 8 years ago. 

Hopefully, my cats won't poop on his bed. 

Honeycakes.

I think I am gonna love or at least like the new job. Old job still sucks a fat one. I should look for a jobby at another preschool but I like the fact that where I work is a "back up" center..which means people bring their kidlets there whenever their usual caregiver fails them by being closed or on maternity leave etc...
Whatves.
After deli working I met K Sauce and Dr Random for some drinks at the Herkimer. We then went to Jason and Kate's where we found an extremely drunk brother and Jason..They had a "Wizard Staff" party where they duct taped PBR cans on top of each other to resemble the staff of a wizard.
Today was spent babysitting and going to "church" (Green Mill happy hour) and having a water balloon fight.

Friday I was sad and dramatic.
Saturday things were looking better.
Sunday everything will be just fine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kCoZls-DTg&feature=autofb

This isn't the first time.

I be bloggin'. My other blog got way too personal. Deleted. But I have tons(tons!) of adoring fans that miss my random hilarious musings about daily living. Of course I'm kidding. Mostly.
I love writing but not enough for a book. I thought of writing dirty stories but haven't felt dirty enough as of late.
Plus, the whole world needs to know about my precious kitty loves Moo and Meow Meow.