Uh. What?

In the past couple days, it has been determined that my roommate has some asshole tendencies. Fuck that shit. I want to move out so bad..and I could move in with my bro and his gf (I used to hate her but now I love her, also remember that Guns and Roses song?) but my cats are dicks and they have a dog named Moose and a cat named Monster...my kitten babies can just fucking deal with it if it has to happen...Being a parent is hard. Especially to two dickhead cats.
I wish I could move far away from Mn..somewhere warm and where people care about fashion...
I sometimes wish I would of just sold out and married to whoever loved me and farted out four kids but then I think that is not who I am..I am not a kid yeller sweatpants wearer...
But I  better get off (heehee) the internet because my room is so messy, I've lost my house key..

Babybabes.

I have been one depressed bitch this week. I'm totally over it. and I'm pretty sure it was the winter blues. I used to wonder if I got more depressed during the winter or was it because I was in shitty relationships during the cold months? I am mostly single and its mos def winters fault and not my sucking at picking out boyfriends fault..
My roomie told me Meow Meow caught a mousey but it got away behind the refrigerator. I moved the fridge and there is a bunch of hair ties that Meow steals and loses and a ton of mouse shit. I'm not scared of mice and feel that one or both of the cats will search and DESTROY!
Roomie also said Meow Meow loved torturing that mousey. Hahahaha! Meow is a cat! Cats do that!
I have been using Lush Retread Conditioner on my overly processed but still gorgeous hair. It is making my hair TOO HEALTHY! Can you believe it? I have to wash my hair even less to achieve my sexy bedroom hair...

Since March I have lost 35 pounds. It's crazy. All my old blog posts featuring my photo remind me of the chubs. Turns out when you eat nonstop and exercise less, you turn into a fat ass.

The one where I say I'm not gonna talk about 2010 and then I do..

Fuck 2010.
I don't even wanna talk about that fat, greasy, bitch 2010.
2011 is a lovely girl, slim and pretty with nice manners.
Life sure is hilarious. I'm happy now but 2010 made me all skittish that shit is gon' get all fucked up and I'll be the saddest girl in the world again.
I do have some awesome friends. At least I know that for sure.
I lost some friends in 2010. They were totally toxic avengers( mean to me) and I'm sure I am missed.
I gave up the preschool teachin'. I got super burnt out. I was almost done with college and gave that shit up too. I lost weight. I got a new roommate. I got myself in some financial trouble. I'm starting acting classes and my friend Sarah P and I are going to start collaborating on all things beautiful and funny. I decided I don't know what to do with my life. No one does. Every day is different. Always stand up for yourself even if you look like a C U Next Tuesday..don't skip Xmas because you will make your mother sad, family is important but not if they are soul sucking leeches. Tits and Ass will always triumph.
I haven't even begun to think of any new goals for 2011 because I've been freaking out about turning 31 next month! EEKK!

Whoa! What the fuck? Did I die?

My computer is super fucked..plus my stolen internet connection is fucked...so my blog has been ultra ignored and super fucked...
Sorry guys. I know you've been struggling.

Moo is not dead but I hate my life anyway.

    Moo is not dead but looks pissed that I would ever suggest such a thing. Sorry BoiBoi. 

 Remember when I complained about how much I have to work? Well, last night I went to bed at 9 all responsible like...and woke up at 3:20 in the morning because I was worried Moo was dead because he hadn't slept with me all night! Highly unusual. And because I had weird dreams involving 3 friends, and a 7th grade Social Studies teacher. The scenario was that I FORGOT I HAD TO WORK and drank liquid Tylenol Pm's, which isn't even invented as far as I know but should be.
It is now 5:48 in the morning. I tried going back to sleep. No such luck.
FUCK YOU BRAIN!

I'm just warning you...

That I might go crazy. I am scheduled at both jobs for like 40 hours in TWO FUCKING DAYS! Preschool job Thurs and Friday 8:30-5:30 then deli job 6-Close..we close at 3 in the am and often get off work at 5! So tomorrow (Thursday) I am to work until 5:30 then hop on the bus and go directly to deli job then work til 5 then go to be for an hour and a half, wake up go to preschool job and then directly to deli? And work Saturday, mind you.
Impossible. I am not (despite how bad my face is breaking out right now. Bitches. Or the fact my parents live in a trailer) a meth head.
I think I'm gonna hafta pretend my grandpa died and call in sick on Friday to preschool job in order to work at deli. I don't have any grandpas so it should be easy to fake mourn a made up grandpa?
This working two jobs bullshit better be worth it.

         Adorable picture of pig cat Moo to cheer me up..

My Dear Sweet Mickey Moo.

Please stop crawling on Mama with your fat crusty ass at 5 in the a.m. when Mama has to get up at 6 in the a.m..
Mama doesn't bother you when you are sleeping, you cat bastard. Well, sometimes she does. Sometimes Mama likes to call your name or shake the treat jar when you are snoring because the sight of you jumping  up and jiggling as you frantically run is hilarious. But my little muffin of cat, Mama has to sleep so she can work two jobs to pay for your fucking diabetic ass to eat your goddamned Fancy Feast and take naps all day on her beautiful comforter.
Mama loves you.
Now Mama feels bad because she just watched you miscalculate your jump onto the couch, and it looked like it hurt..my poor beebee!  

Smellin like sandwiches.

This picture has nothing to do with this post. But look at hims! Hims cute!

 It is hard for me not to be bitter about people I know that are lucky enough to have parents to loan or give
them money.I mostly get angry because the friends I have that do get money from the parentals are kinda assholes. I feel that if you are an asshole you shouldn't get free money.
I have to work at a preschool AND a fucking deli to pay my bills because my parents are poorer than me.
Sometimes I want to be like "Parents. I just want you to know that you pretty much fucked me over when you decided to not ever become rich or even middle class"..
But coming from a poor background gives me a lot of street cred. I impress people with stories of poverty and hardship..especially since now I am such a prissy ass bitch.
Working hard does make me a stronger person. I totally believe that.
I hope those fucks that get free money put their parents in some classy nursing home. You know, one that doesn't smell like death, canary poop and old people piss..

Whoa.

Holy fucksauce party peeps. I got off work at midnight..came home, ate more cookies, texted late night friends and took a Zyrtec..Dude! I slept the sleep of the dead and drugged up til 2:20pm!
Where the hell did my day go? Oh. That's right. I was dreaming of making sandwiches and house fires..
F you Zyrtec! I am NEVER taking you again!
I could of slept longer but when I checked the time I pretty much fell out of bed. Now I am groggy as fuck. Thank BuddhaBabyJesus that I have been making the iced coffee concentrate recipe I found a long time ago from How About Orange..here's the iced coffee recipe...Make it. So easy. So wonderful. So magical.
Now I am a puddle of flesh on the couch. I work at 6pm. Ugh.
Work shmerk.
                                           Here is a picture of Moo workin'

Allergic.

              


Bizzos. This spring has been kicking my ass allergy wise. So bad. I've had the swollen, itchy eyes, the runny nose with sneezing, tiredness and my nose gets itchy. How pretty. I am not one of those folks that ever go to the doctor so I self medicate my ass off. The dust mites and tree pollen have been giving me the beating of a lifetime. People mowing their lawns also fucks me over.
Natural remedies haven't worked so much for me. The homeopathic shiz, I mean.. I am supposed to eat local honey everyday and that is gonna help. I really need to start doing that.
Allergy medicine either doesn't work or if it works it makes me a sleepyhead that is totally worthless at living.
I am such a dork that I keep track of the pollen count. Via Weather.com.
I am probably too sexy for you.
 Tried the Neti pot and it helps.
 Zyrtec works but it makes me so sweepy!
Could see an allergist and get those shots that may or may not work. Eesh. Maybe they have some hardcore drugs that crack me out instead of make me lethargic?
I went to Apartment Therapy to find these gems Window pollen screen thingies. and these Helpful hints.
My next apartment will for sure have hardwood floors and those window screen things. I also need to get another mattress cover for my featherbed. Or a new comfy bed so that I don't need a featherbed. Stinkin' featherbed and it's inability to be laundered.
It is about damn time I get an air purifier or two.
It sucks because advice is to stay indoors and keep windows closed but it's too beautiful out...
Grr.
In the meantime I will listen to jams like these Mf Doom and read blogs all day. Bra less.

First Day at Second Job.

Fucking sucked, At first. At first I wanted to give up. But then I remembered giving up is for pussies so Itried to make the best of it. I felt so awkward. That is what made it suck so bad..was that I felt so awkward..but I know I am super sensitive and have made many Anti Jenny ideas swirl in my head and they were unfounded. That makes me sound like I have a personality disorder..
The people I work with are cool. And I work with like 4 people I had worked with 5 years ago. Going back to a job that provides more bad memories than good is the hardest thing I have had to do in 2010.
But I am grateful to have two jobs. I am stoked that I will be rolling in the dough.
I got a good lead on a new cheap apartment. Karla wants to check them out too..and Leah already lives there. Karla said it would be a "cat lady community"..
I did get hit on in the store and flirted with on the phone. I am awesome at customer service. I really am. I can fake happy and enthusiasm like a motherfucker.
I am gonna miss my kitties with all this working.

Buying Ass Bitch.

Man, I love to swear.

Here are things that as soon as I can lift the shopping ban I will joyfully purchase...

New smells. 

New glasses!

Pretty sure I want every single one.

Shoesies

I would look hot as hell in this dress. Fact.
Blue floral and cheap? Gimme.
I am obsessed with floral maxi dresses.
Imagine that I have a golden fake tan.
Steve Madden kills me sometimes.
Sometimes cheesy. But gems can be found.

There is a ton more shiz I would love buy but looking for stuff gave me a boner for shopping so its best I don't continue. 

I love shopping. I love it so bad. Shopping loves me too, I can tell by the way it looks at me..

Hey. Can you eat some shit please?

 It has been rainy in Minneapolis for what seems like months. I like rain. But this is worthless cold ass rain. My allergies get really bad when it rains. Serious. I don't know why and nobody believes me. Boofuckinghoo. This nonstop rainy weather plus my current financial situation makes for a very grumpy girl. And by grumpy I mean bitchy. And by bitchy I mean raging Cbag..Yesterday I was walking, late for work all Benadryled up and this HUGE old guy decided as he blows his nose into a giant hankie he is gonna not look down at the little people and walked into me. Normally, I would just give him a tight smile and have mean eyes but this time I shouted " What the FUCK?" at him and scampered off..
Two girls at my work make me want to bite their heads off and spit them out. At their now headless bodies writhing on the floor in a pool of blood..
My current financial situation is to blame for my pissy attitude. Normally, I am quite positive and approach things that anger me with a bemused, sarcastic attitude..

I don't know when the fuck I am gonna start second job. The owner is flaky as fuck. Me and the Tick are going to donate plasma today. I don't mind being poor but I HATE worrying about paying rent. That is my big worry. That my rent won't get paid and I will get evicted. My landlord hates me because he hates women and he wants to move into my apartment when our lease is up.
I have places to go if that happens but would really rather not deal with moving for no reason and couch hopping with my kitty loves would suck balls.
I am taking the steps to improve my life (second job, applying for a full time position at my teaching job, budgeting, donating plasma, babysitting) so everything will work out but in the meantime I will complain via a blog I haven't told anybody I write.